Bridezilla – part 1

12 Jan

First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR 2015 to you all!

It’s been ages since the last time I posted something to this blog, feeling a bit guilty for abandoning my secret trash bin.

Anyway, I have a very legitimate excuse for my absence here. For the past 4 months (less or more, not so sure anymore), I’ve been planning for my marriage life and took care of my food business. Yes, you heard it right, marriage = wedding. After all the family drama, leave alone my own drama, I agreed to finally settle down. Do not expect a romantic proposal or else. Not that I don’t love the ‘will you marry me’ session and the shiny diamond ring, it’s just the situation is a bit (or more) complicated. But I still want that solitaire Tiffany’s ring *tear*

So, I don’t know if I am actually engaged or what, but the guy is there and the plan is rapidly settled. You must have eager to know who’s the guy, but I’m gonna reveal him to you once I become a MRS *evil grin*

Being engaged to a Chinese descendant is seriously a pain in the ass. From the ‘good date’, the tradition, the ceremony, the fengshui, the color, and every friggin’ detail is seriously excruciating. You know, I’ve always wanted a simple intimate western wedding ON the beach, where you can enjoy chit chat with closed friends accompanied by the breezing wind and the sound of the waves. However, some things are not meant to happen. But hey, at least, I will have a beach cliff wedding.

Year 2015 is a royal wedding year for me. How so? I will at least have 4 different wedding reception/ceremony/party on my own :

So, here is the list :

  • May 2015
    Since the groom’s family side is Catholic, they insist to have a blessing by the Catholic Church. Lucky me, I was born from a Catholic Father and a Protestant Mother, so I have all the church certificate required. Heck, I don’t even care if a Buddhist blessed my marriage. I don’t freakin’ care with religious institution. BUT, they insist, so I follow.

    Oh and Oh, the process and requirements for a blessing ceremony in Catholic church is soooooooooo damn annoying. I’ll explain the steps in my next post for those who need guidance (i will be using Bahasa Indonesia).

  • Early June 2015
    We are having a wedding dinner reception for Groom’s colleagues, Groom’s Parents’ business partners and my colleagues
  • Mid June 2015
    Groom’s parents are planning to have a little celebration with their 100+ factory workers for the wedding of their son and announce me to them.
  • August 2015
    After a long debate (always drama) for deciding the good date, groom’s family asked their fortune-teller to choose a date according to the Chinese astrological book when it would be proper and propitious to hold the wedding ceremony. This took almost 3 months process and 3-4 changes of date. Oh, they also consult my birth date to a fortune teller to predict whether that could match their son’s and whether there would be a happy marriage. The Chinese zodiac would be surely taken into consideration. Both of us are dragons, so there must be another ‘terms and conditions’ to avoid a bad luck. Same Chinese zodiac is considered a bad combination for a wedding according to Chinese people, but can be avoided if certain rules are implemented. (Usually the rules are ridiculous :P)

    Actually, this is what I considered my real wedding. There will be a blessing from a Priest and private intimate dinner reception in Bali. Yes, IT’S BALI!😀 I will explain the long preparation and the details about Wedding in Bali in my next post.🙂

  • After August 2015
    This schedule is still tentative but my future mother-in-law also insists to have another party just for her friends!

Thank God, there has been only 4 plans up until now, I do not wish for another reception.

As I told you, I’m getting married to a Chinese descendants, means there are requirements and traditions to follow. Below is the guidelines for Chinese wedding traditions (Taken from wiki and customize with the family tradition):

1. Selection of Date (done already)

The first step is the selection of auspicious dates (看日子) for the Chinese wedding, the betrothal and the installation of the bridal bed. A Chinese monk or a temple fortune teller selects a suitable date based on the couple’s birth dates and times. Some may also refer to the Chinese calendar or almanac for good days. Even numbered months and dates are preferred, and the lunar seventh month is avoided as it is the month of the Hungry Ghost Festival.

After the selection of the auspicious dates, wedding details such as types and quantities of betrothal gifts, reciprocal gifts, bride price (娉金), and number of tables at the wedding banquet provided by the groom’s parents for the bride’s parents’ guests are settled.

2. Betrothal

Up to three months or earlier before the wedding day, the groom will deliver the betrothal gifts to the bride’s family on an auspicious date.送

The betrothal (Chinese: 過大禮; pinyin: guo dàlǐ, also known as 納彩 or nàcǎi) is an important part of the Chinese wedding tradition. During this exchange, the groom’s family presents the bride’s family with betrothal gifts (called 聘礼 or pìnlǐ) to symbolize prosperity and good luck.Moreover, the bride’s family receives the bride’s price (Chinese: 娉金; pinyin: pīng jīn; literally: “abundant gold”) in red envelopes. The bride’s family also returns (回禮, huílǐ) a set of gifts to the groom’s side. Additionally, the bride’s parents bestow a dowry (嫁妝, jiàzhuāng, kè-chng) to the bride.

My future mother-in-law is Hokkien Chinese. In the Hokkien race, the betrothal rite is known as sang jit-thau (送日頭, sàng-ji̍t-thâu) or its abbreviated form sang jit.

Betrothal gifts unique to the Hokkien include pig trotters, rice candies, fruits, red wine. Household items are also given to the bride, symbolic of the duties she will assume as wife.  

3. Presenting Wedding Gift

This was the grandest etiquette of the whole process of engagement. Prolific gifts were presented again to the girl’s family, symbolizing respect and kindness towards the girl’s family as well as the capability of providing a good life for the girl.

In the tradition applied here, Groom’s family will also bring set of jewelries, clothes, dresses, purses, shoes, sandals, cosmetics, bath amenities. Bride’s family will return the favor by giving the groom a set of clothes, trousers, wallets, wristwatch, socks, shoes. 

4. Delivery of the Bride’s dowry

The bride’s parents may include the bride’s dowry (嫁妆, jiàzhuāng) with the return gifts on the day of betrothal or deliver the dowry a few days before the wedding.Chinese dowry typically includes:

  • beddings (e.g. pillows, bolsters, comforter set, blankets, bed sheets)
  • new clothes for the bride in a suitcase (in the past, wardrobes or wooden wedding chests were used)
  • tea set for the wedding’s tea ceremony (will explain later)
  • a spittoon of baby items (子孙桶, including baby bathtub, potty, face washbasin, tumblers, toothpaste and toothbrushes, mirror, comb)
  • two pairs of red wooden clogs, wedding slippers or bedroom slippers
  • a sewing basket (with even numbered rolls of colourful thread, needles, pincushion, scissors, and sewing wax with auspicious words on it)
  • gold jewelry given by bride’s parents

Well now, would you agree with me that these complete non-sense stuff is a pain in the ass? ROFL. Please bear my mood swing the upcoming days since I am dealing with all the traditions and long non-sense procedure.

I think that’s all for now. I guess, I’ll update you with my ‘royal wedding’ in the next post and I won’t forget to explain about the church procedure, the Bali wedding prep, and the civil registration procedure.

Cheers from the Bridezilla,

Ness

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