The Coming Back

30 Jun

One more year has added into my life… So many things have happened in a year, both of good things and bad things, failures and accomplishment, love and pain.

I won’t deny that I’ve been living in a hurricane, and all is about adrenaline rush. My heart has been beaten down, but I keep striving and keep going. It’s like an endless marathon race, and I’m not supposed to stumble or stop.

I was offered a job in one of the biggest pharmaceutical companies in southeast asia, a few months ago. That’s a lucrative opportunity, and I got it effortless. Did I consider myself lucky? Oh yes, and no. I’ve promised myself to go after my dreams, right after I finished school. But, On the other hand, this is a very good start for my career. After so many considerations and everyone will call me crazy if I didn’t take it, so I did take it.

Week after week, I felt I’ve drifted away from my dreams and passion. The more I convinced myself that the job was right, the more I felt that it’s wrong. I didn’t even know why I was in that office. I can’t write, I can’t dream, I can’t do nothing but get up-work-sleep. I started questioning myself, what am I doing here? Days gone by and I became more of someone who isn’t me… humanless. I was in a terrible dillemma, between keep working without my heart and faking myself every day or quit and follow my passion.

Long story short, I quit. Of course, everyone and even my sisters called me crazy. My only rebuttal to them is just “do I have to keep beating myself by doing what I don’t like for the sake of reputation or do I have to work where my heart at and be content in it?”. One thing I know, I decided for my own sake. I don’t wanna be a fake heartless person.

Some people will say,”that is just how other people do, get up-work-rest, that is life”. I’m afraid I have to disagree, because I am not ‘other people’. I know what I want in life, and I know what I have to do, eventhough it’s not like ‘other people’. What’s the purpose in life, if you live in a life without a purpose?

I believe that as long as I keep on moving, I’m not a failure. I believe that one end leads to another beginning.

Cooking has been my everything and in my future. I’m happy when I cook. I’m happy when people enjoy my food. I’m glad when I see my students learning English. I’m proud when they can speak English a little by little. That’s all I wanna do.

Throughout my 22 years life, I’ve hurt and I’ve loved, I’ve lost and I’ve won, I’ve made mistakes and I’ve been right… But most of all, I have learned.

Some things are worth fighting for, some are worth holding onto, some others are worth letting go.

So, in my new age, I started with letting go and ended things I should’ve ended years ago. My courage doesn’t need to roar and approval, but it doesn’t mean that my courage isn’t exist.

If you know you’re heading the wrong direction, what’s the use of keep going. Turn back and go to the right way, instead. It might be take a little longer and harder, but if its worth it, why don’t you?

Happy birthday to me!




3 Responses to “The Coming Back”

  1. Belinda June 30, 2011 at 5:30 pm #

    Eww happy bday to you Vanessa, may everyday is going to be ur day. Every steps have a great impact for everyone. You just done yours so be happy with all of it. GOD is generous one HE is knowing whole about ya so now is your line handed by HIM.

    Everything happen for a reason, maybe there’s something great waiting for you to catch up. (^_^)


    • Vanessa June 30, 2011 at 9:52 pm #

      Thanks Ka Belu!
      Yeah, I’ve done my part and I won’t regret it šŸ™‚
      I believe good things fall apart, so better things can fall together.(Marilyn Monroe)

  2. xmi July 1, 2011 at 4:59 am #

    agree with going after what you love šŸ™‚ all the best chica wohoho

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