2010, a beautiful disaster

22 Dec

there were no such things as absolutes, not in life or in people. it was day by day, if not moment by moment. all you could do was take on as much weight as you can bear.and if you’re lucky, there’s someone close enough by to shoulder the rest.” – Sarah Dessen

It’s 9 days until the end of 2010, and if I could describe 2010 in a human’s word, it would be : beautiful disaster.

Death, despair, lost.

The last 2 months of 2010 are the hardest scenes of my life. I often got caught up with my busy schedules and easily got tensed – those are making me lose my balance every once in a while. Some unexpected things were also came by and honestly, at the moment, I didn’t know how was I supposed to do or act. It was like I didn’t even ready to face them.

There were times when I cried alone at night (or dawn). Uncounted times I kneeled down and begged to God, to let me breathe for just a while – It was beyond my capability and I can’t handle more.
“Not my mind, my body and heart, at the same time please…” I whispered to God in my prayer every nights.
With tears, anger, patience, strength, faith, I keep walking on my path… I almost get there.

Day by day, hours to hours, it’s 2 days before the Christmas eve and 2010 is almost over.
I stumble and fall. I have failed and stand up once again.
As I reminisce my days in 2010, I’m unconsciously smiling to myself.
This year has been terribly a hard one, yet also, it has given me many priceless lessons as an exchange.

Things I have learned in 2010 :
– re-invented myself
– reconcile relations
– manage my time
– re-build my future plans
– start balancing my mind and heart
– follow my intuition, got hurt, and try again
– touched some lives

Life is such a music. If you only pay attention to the minor notes, you’ll get a sad and grieving melody. On the other hand, major notes only, will be so boring. But if you combined both the minor and major notes, it will make a beautiful and gracious music. It takes years, dedication and high-determination to mastered every notes. Once you succeed, you”ll be pleased in its euphoria. There will also people who listen to your music, they are going to admire your music, or perhaps they are going to hate it. Whatever, as long as you have given your best shot in the process and pleased by the result, who cares with the world? 😉

What have you learned so far? What have you done so far? Who you have hurt or touched?

“Be present in all things and thankful for all things. 2010, you’re such a beautiful disaster”



2 Responses to “2010, a beautiful disaster”

  1. meitha soekotjo December 22, 2010 at 8:58 am #

    “What have I learnt so far?”

    “What have I done so far?”

    “Who you have hurt or touched?”

    My answer: Not much.
    And I will learn, do, and touch more and more…even, I could not avoid being hurt sometimes ^_^
    Luck is not for us, but Miracles are!
    Love you Nessa…thank you for being you, thank you 2010.

    • Vanessa December 23, 2010 at 2:00 am #

      hehe, good for you mbak Mei 🙂
      keep hanging in there, expect the unexpected things 🙂
      love you too, and also thanks for your whole-being 🙂

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