What’s your sound? Attraversiamo!

25 Oct

“When you’re lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you ARE lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you’ve just wandered a few feet off the path, that you’ll find your way back to the trail head any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and it’s time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don’t even know from which direction the sun rises anymore.”

I just watched ‘Eat Pray Love’ with my two best mates. There is only one suitable word for the movie : SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS.

It’s a story about a successful young woman, Liz Gilbert, who was caught up with her life and suddenly lost herself in the midst of her 8-years marriage life, a loving husband, friends who loved her, and a successful writing career. One night, she felt so heart-broken, she had no more passion, she felt completely in a wrecked-life. In a way to FEEL herself again and life itself, she left everything she had, and started to look for an answer by having a journey to Italy, India, and Indonesia.

The movie was so real, for me, as if I were there, being a Elizabeth Gilbert. “THAT is exactly what I feel, for god’s sake!” I said it silently over and over again, as the scenes and dialog went on. In spite of the magnificent role I’m playing now, I CAN’T feel anything! I just want to run as far as I could to find an answer, so I can FEEL me, life, God, and the universe.

Friends, family, closed ones, might think that it’s just a common behavior of a person who grows up to another phase of life. They might say,”well, she’s just in a pitfall, she has a great life, she has friends and family who loved her.” NO! You’re not getting it! The ugly truth is, you just don’t know how it feels to lose your state of mind. It’s a pity that one has no idea of whose life one’s living in.

The journey started in Italy.
Why Italy?
She always wanted to learn Italian that she believes more beautiful than roses, to taste a spaghetti just for herself, to see the wonderful Italian life.
As she so eager to learn Italian, she was introduced to an Italian, by a new friend. She learned one beautiful word : “Attraversiamo”, which means, “let’s cross over!”
There was a time when she had a dinner with her new lovely Italian friends,
and a question popped up : “So, Liss, what is your sound? I want to know?”
After a while, she said,”a writer…”
Her friend replied,”No, it’s what you do. The question is what you are, Liss?”

>>”What you are, Ness?” That is a question that resounds loudly to me. I’m a student, a chemical engineer-soon-to-be, I’m a daughter, I’m a human being. Those answers still sounds so hollow in me.

and the next destination was India.
Why India?
She was looking for a Guru (Hindus teacher), to ask her a million questions about life and God. Unfortunately, the Guru was in New York. As she tried her new custom life in India as a volunteer, she met Richard, a sarcastic man from Texas.
Richard always teased her because she can’t focused on meditation and she can’t ‘found’ her Guru Gita (like a person whose image will be able to help you opened your mind).
Until there was a time when Liss was so angry,“I AM TRYING!”
“Then stop trying! SURRENDER,” Richard replied calmly.
He added,”… you need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select what clothes you’re gonna wear every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control. Drop everything else but that. Because if you can’t learn to master your thinking, you’re in deep trouble forever.”

>> THAT is the problem! “Select your thoughts”, it’s not as easy to do as to read it. There’s so many things running in my mind, and I want so much to ditch it one by one. Maybe the problem is because “i am trying”

Liss was having a hard time to get over David and she felt bad because of her ex-husband wouldn’t forgive him.
Liss : “I think I’m over him, but I just know that I love him so much”
Richard : “then love him”
Liss : “It’s over but I missed him”
Richard : “then missed him. Give him all the love and pour him your feeling from here, then… drop it!”

>>What I got from Richard’s word is, resisting it will not make it any better. Feel it, feel the pain, go with the flow, and you will leave it eventually.

Liss : “I think he can’t forgive me”
Richard : “thinking about whether he’ll forgive you or not, is wasting time. Forgive yourself.”

>>Forgive myself. Forgive my failures. Forgive my reckless. Forgive my imperfect me.

The last thing that Richard said to Liss was, “Liss, believe in love again!

>>Even though so many people have said it to me, but when I saw Richard said it to Liss, I could felt a little tear drop in my heart. I can’t even define ‘love’. Technically, theoretically, I can. Yet, to really define it in my own terms and start to believe in it again…

I’m still looking for a reason to believe in love. again.
Another things that were underlined here, are bitterness and forgiveness. Getting back into one’s state of mind and realized that God dwells in us, so there is no point of looking everywhere to find God.

Last but not least, Indonesia! Yay!
Why Bali?
Liss story was first began with Liss met a Balinese man who’s a clairvoyant, named Ketut. He told her that one day Liss will be back to Bali, to learn more with him.
In Bali, she practiced her meditation every morning and night.

After a few days, she accidentally bumped into a guy named Felipe, and finally fell in love with him. It wasn’t like an epic love story like a teenage love drama. Both, Felipe and Liss were broken-hearted, and unable to open their heart.
One day, Ketut ‘read’ Felipe’s palm, he said,”the only way to open your heart, is to trust.”
Liss and Felipe had a great time together, yet Liss was still insisted that she wasn’t there to find a man. She’s just so grateful to finally find herself again and to understand life. So, when Felipe asked her to step further for their relationship, Liss was so mad and left him.

Before Liss took off to the airport (as she thought it was the time for her to get back to her real life), she went to meet Ketut.
Ketut : “do you still smile with your mind? and smile with your heart?
Liss : “Yes”
Ketut : “and with your new boyfriend?”
Liss smiled with tears,”It’s over”
Ketut : “liss, sometimes to lose balance for love is a part of living a balanced life.”
At this point, Liss was finally came into her common-sense and looked for Felipe, and decided to cross over (to start facing a new start and to balance the life itself).

“If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey(either externally or internally),and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all -to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself….then truth will not be withheld from you.

>>The last thing she confronted in her last quest was FEAR. After such hard times and indescribable painful feeling, to open her heart again and to take the risk that she might lose the balance, was a crazy thing to do.

That is what I’m doing now. It took more than just months and grief to gather every pieces of me. I have built a strong wall to protect my ‘masterpiece’ and been hiding inside of my barricade.

However, I can’t understand this design. My broken-me decorated it with insecure, hatred, anger;and as the time goes by, I feel like a guest who live in it. I need to leave. I need to get out.

Despite all the success, plans, people who cares, bright future, there is an ultimate thing to look out for : contentment. I want to feel it again. I want to touch it again. I want to have it again.

I’m looking for a month or two, to get away from everything. Not just a city-girl’s vacation, I want to leave my lifestyle here for a while. I want to learn something new, like farming in a vineyard, horse-back riding, saving sea-turtles, teaching children, swimming in the sea, living with backpackers, etc.
Going to a place where I can leave my world for a while and living in a foreign world. I want to meet new people and know their lives, beliefs, thoughts.
I always fond of France. I want to learn French more and learn about French cultures, places, natures.

I want me to be contented, to feel whole again, to live a life to the fullest not just doing it like a robot.

I recommend this meaningful movie for those who look life more than just a to-do-tasks from God. This is not a chick-flick movie with romantic scenes, or an action movie with bang-bang scenes. Open your mind and see what lies beyond life, your life, you.

Readers, Attraversiamo😉

Vness

p.s: please feel free to drop a comment, an advice, critics, or ideas. But please leave this off from God-talk for a while, or about a certain religion etc, save it for next time, be a broad-minded HUMAN. Thanks for your concern.

2 Responses to “What’s your sound? Attraversiamo!”

  1. Lala October 26, 2010 at 12:40 am #

    OMG,
    I love this post. I really wanna watch the movie, but I havent had time, yer. I also need to find myself in the middle of all this chaos around me. I need to find out who I am and not just doing things that I think I like. Thanks for the post, I think I wanna watch it soooonnn😛❤

    Lala

    • Vanessa October 26, 2010 at 11:00 am #

      Thank you for reading the post, I’m glad that you like it🙂
      Go find yourself, and I wish you all the best in the process😀
      XOXO

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