I woke up this morning and yelled to myself,”Arghh!! I don’t wanna go back to the damn lab!! Please please God, just make me one miracle, by the time I open my eyes, my research will be done.” Nothing happened, there’s no sparkling lights appeared. Alright, I was actually begged to the wall and pillows.
Research. 2 months left before the deadline and the trial in front of 3 genius professors. I’m easily get upset recently, because of the pressure, fatigue, stress, etc. I spent 13 hours in the lab yesterday, broke a 250 mL beaker glass, my hydrolisate didn’t reach pH 6, and I went home at 21:50. I didn’t have any appetite to eat, any mood to talk, any energy to move an inch.
Just a moment ago,
yoke: “ness, get up and go the lab now”
ness: “I don’t wanna go! I don’t wanna go! I don’t wanna go!”
yoke: “You act like someone who chased down by the debt collector”
ness: “still don’t wanna go *hide my face under the pillow*”
Well, okay, I’ll go. To be honest, I still have 27 runs to do, and I’m too lazy to move my ass back to the lab 😀 You know what, the only word I can think about now is give up. I’m too angry, too tired. Why does it have to be this hard to get a bachelor degree??? Why does someone from different major can manage his/her university life well and also having fun everyday? Life is unfair!
“the fact is, life is fair enough”, I finally said to myself. My mom once said,”everyone have their own problems. It might look small or big depends on a person’s capability. When you’re given this huge problem, it means you are CAPABLE to defeat it. God thinks that you are strong enough to pass this big responsibility. Be proud because you are trusted, have a little more faith.”
Well, yeah, I’ve done 7 deadly semesters, why can’t I pass this one? I might get more black hole under my eyes, more hair-falls, less appetite for food, less sleep hours, but if that’s all it takes to get it done, here I am. I’m gonna get it done with all the risks and responsibility. It’s so NOT-ME to runaway from a responsibility though :p.
Do you see that life is harsh? Yea, well it is. I don’t know since when I have this thought, but I think pain makes us beautiful. Remember the analogy of butterfly metamorphosis? It was in pain. Life isn’t about holding a good cards in our hands, it is about how we play good with the cards in our hand. You can always make it better through the worst.
What if I am destined to be like this?
Well, I’m sort of believe of karma, but destiny……….. um, okay, lets say I do believe it too. I’m talking with Christianity base, which most of Christian sometimes take it with the wrong perception (no offense to Christians). God created us, definitely agree. God created our life frame, agree. God created our life stories and the contents, strongly disagree. Instead, He gave us a FREEWILL. Do not blame God for all the bad times in your life. God grants us the authority to write our story, and admit it, sometimes we can be such a fool to write stupid “jokes” in it (we thought it’s funny, which IS NOT). Some times I hate to see some people mourning and blaming God of everything. Point it to yourself.
If your situation looks suck now (like me), get up, and fix it. Because you CAN always make it better. I can 😀
There’s always gonna be another mountain
I am always gonna make it move
There’s always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes we gotta have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
I feared my DESTINY,
until I realized that I had the power to change my life.