Everything in its time

After a while, we learn that life wasn’t as easy as it used to be. It seems that it’s such an endless walk, and we don’t feel like move another step. We have a thousand reasons to cry, and it’s okay because pain is inevitable.

If you are starting to feel like your desires appear to be getting further and further away, Stop. Take a minute to breath. Take a glance to look back at your steps behind. You’ve come this far. And yes, it’s you who have walked this far. Take times to remember how strong you’ve been all this time. And you learn you really can endure…

You are amazing, we are amazing.
Our steps ahead won’t be easier, but always remember the strength lies within us.
If you have to cry, then cry hard.
If you have to scream, then scream.
But don’t you ever let yourself down by quit from your journey.
Hold on, my friend.
It would be wonderful in the end, It would be worth it.

I can’t say much anymore, listen to every sentence in this song by corrinne may. I hope it could cheer you up.

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it’s hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer,
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I’m two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I’m stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

’cause maybe there’s another plan
One I still can’t see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time

Vness

Tags: Courage, Difficult Times, Faith, Inspiration, Life

For the Greater Good…

A few days ago, I was going to see REC 3 : Genesis, but I actually end up saw the Act of Valor. I didn’t know any detail of the movie, but after around 1.5 hours, all I could say is BRAVO to ‘Act of Valor’

It’s more than just a war action movie, it shows more about bravery and a commitment to serve their homeland. The movie uses active-duty US Navy SEALs, and these men certainly look impressive elite in the combat. Having seen the movie, some people might get the wrong idea that it might be a propaganda against anti-moslem etc. However, from my point of view, this movie is intended to show a real heroic action to fight for what is right, to sacrifice oneself for the greater good. Putting aside the religion issue, ethnicity, and racism, those terrorists are just terrorists, and they are doing their evil job out there, no matter what belief they stand on. So, instead of accusing one another, why don’t we take a positive action from what Rorke did, who sacrificed himself, for the greater good. 

This poem below is by Chief Tecumseh, taken from ‘Act of Valor’

So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.

Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none.

When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.

When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.”

 

This post is written for a friend of mine who is currently enlisted in the US Marine Corps and for those who fight for peace . 

MM : Thank you, for doing the right thing, for the greater good

“And it’s weighing on my mind… 
I’m not trying to be the hero… I don’t want to die… 
But right now, in this moment, you don’t think twice.

You don’t think about right.
You don’t think about wrong.
You just do what you gotta do… to defend your own.” – Keith Urban

 

Vness

Tags: Act of Valor, Inspiration, movie reviews, terrorism

Twisted

When does love become so twisted?

Oh right.

It will never be UN-twisted.

It’s been so absurd and blurry and … I can’t even describe it anymore.

“Is he the right one?”

Really, I can’t answer it with ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when I don’t even know the definition of the-right-one.

What if there’s not only ONE??
What if there are TWO??
Would it be possible to change the question to be,”Are they the right ones?”
Would it be wrong?

Maybe the way we feel isn’t supposed to be logical, to be rational.

I think you could fall in love with anyone if you saw the parts of them no one else gets to see. Like if you followed them around invisibly for a day and saw them crying in their bed at night or singing in the shower or humming quietly to themselves as they make a sandwich or even just walking along the street. And even if they were really weird and had no friends at school, I think, after seeing them at their most vulnerable, you wouldn’t be able to help falling in love with them.

Maybe there’s something I’m afraid to say, or someone I’m afraid to love, or somebody I’m afraid to let go.

It’s gonna hurt. I know.
It’s gonna hurt because it matters.

But, maybe it’s okay to be unsure and scared.

Someday…
Yes, one day I would be certain enough to answer.

But for now, I think I gotta just take things for what they are, not try to label it or explain it.

In another life, I would make you stay,
So I don’t have to say you were the one that got away,
The one that got away

-Ness-

Tags: afraid to love, Feelings, ramblings

Give Thanks

O God, early in the morning I cry to you.
Help me to pray and gather my thoughts to you, I cannot do it alone.
In me it is dark, but with you there is light;
I am lonely, but you do not desert me;
My courage fails me, but with You there is help;
I am restless, but with You there is peace;
in me there is bitterness, but with You there is patience;
I do not understand Your ways, but You know the way for me.

Last night, I just knew about an unfortunate condition of one of my classmates. After the years I have known him, I had never known that all this time he’s been in a financial crisis, the worst news I heard is that he can’t finished his education because his family can’t afford the tuition fee. His dad has been suffered from a complicated disease and again, because of financial matters, he can’t afford to see the doctor and the treatments he needs. My friend’s younger brother has dropped out from Uni since they have no more money to pay for it.

Having heard the news last night, it really surprised me. My friend has never shown any sadness, he’s always been a cheerful one. Honestly it made me realize how I, who is in a better condition, often fussing around about my condition, and yes, I feel so ashamed of myself. Another way of God to remind me that there’s still a lot of people who are in an unfortunate condition but still they can give thanks to Him.

Anyway, just drop by to put some words, hope this one that I shared, helps you to realize how we could always be thankful of something because there’s still somebody out there who has been in a worse condition than ours.

So, if you can still go to school, if you still have something decent to eat, if you can still sleep tightly at night, if you are still able to see the sun rises with your healthy body… in everything, be thankful for that

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.

… GIVE THANKS …

-Ness-

SUPERMAN

“you just don’t know how does it feels”
TRUE.

“you can’t understand”
DEFINITELY.

“Your situation is way better than me”
CRAP.

Seriously, people, I’ve been (and still often) in the lowest point of my life.
I get it if you’re so stressed with life, because life is indeed kind of sucks (sometimes).
I am okay if you want to pour your heart out about your situation, and I will surely listen to you.
But don’t you ever compare your situation with others’ (or mine). Every person carries their own problems. So grow up and move on!

Crying and complaining are acceptable, but not for a long period of time. It looks pathetic.
You have the choice either to get up or you just stuck right there and won’t go anywhere.

I am no better than anyone else.
I still feel depressed every now and then.
I agree that no one can’t understand me, just because no one will able to that.
You are the one who understand yourself, so you are the best person who knows what to do.

Anyway, i’m just rambling over the ‘lemons’ given to me. People often look at me and talk like they know how good my life is, or how bad my attitude is, or how lucky I am to have everything I have know. What they don’t know (or don’t want to know) is, what have been going on behind the scenes.

Oh well, after all, don’t judge a book by it’s cover. It might contains all the things that you don’t want to know or you’ve never think of.

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

… And it’s not easy to be me

-Ness-

Tags: Life, ramblings

Remembering Last December

It’s time to the new year again, so fast, isn’t it?

It’s been a year since I wrote about my beautiful end-of-2010 disaster.
One year has passed since the last time I dealt with chemical engineering books for comprehensive exam.
12 months ago, I was still with my so-called best sister, Meitha, rambled about random things, while ordering decent meals for our dinner.
I still had a typical half-sober conversation with my best friends, Rinda and Indra.
I was still with my study-mates, had our delivery-ordered foods while torturing our brains with chem eng.

At this moment, I remember exactly the feeling, the atmosphere, the warmth from December 2010.

Yes I did remember the depressing nights to memorize all the textbooks.
Of course I did remember the cheapest and somewhat-tasty foods from Aneka Racun
and yes I did remember having my favourite grilled cheesy banana and steamy instant noodles from Pak Moes.
Yes, I did remember wearing thick sweater during chilly and rainy nights in Ciumbuleuit street.
Another one, I won’t forget how problems seemed much lighter and life was simpler back then.

It is now nearly the end of December 2011, yet it feels so different than last year. I didn’t say that this December sucks, but well, it’s definitely loss its soul.

Most times, I pray that time will pass really fast so I can start a brand new day as fast as possible, seeing myself growing up. But really, this time, If God grants me one wish… I wish to get myself back to December 2010, to feel once again the old times… Once again, to be surrounded with my closed ones and laugh together with them.

A few of the best things in life…
Laughing so hard til your face hurts.
Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
and last but not least, old friends.

As time goes by, life has a way of rearranging itself. People enter your life, and inevitably, they leave as well. Things have a tendency to happen that can turn your world upside down. You’ll come to realize eventually, that even though things are different, you are as well.

One thing that every human on this planet should really do :
Cherish every moment in your life. Because the show will go on, and you’ll miss the old scenes.

I really do miss my old scenes
… and I am dying to be with my best friends now.

-Ness-

Ps. “When I’m with you, it doesn’t matter where we are, or what we’re doing. I’m with you, that’s all that matters” (I really miss you, Meitha, Indra, Rinda, Ceria Group)

Thank You

The dream begins with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you to the next plateau, sometimes poking you with a sharp stick called “truth.” ~Dan Rather

No, we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving day in Indonesia today, but we celebrate teacher’s day. I had never been care enough about teachers’ dedication before, until I finally capable to stand with my own feet and completely understand EVERY single thing my teachers used to say–about reality, attitude and most importantly…life. So, at this very moment, I am giving my deepest thanks to all my former teachers.

I thank you for setting such a high target on my academic record without my approval,
and grounded me when I scored below the targets.
Thank you for teaching me to give my very best, breaking through my limit.

I thank you for accepting me in the mechatronic class, although I was the only girl there
and taught me to create those LED circuits, adapters, etc
Thank you for seeing my quality beyond my gender.

I thank you for excitedly telling me the stories about Mayan, Aztec, World War;
and assigned me to draw the Pithecanthropus guy.
Thank you for keeping me remembered ‘There is no present without history’

I thank you for persuading me to get into Journalistic Club,
and kept me there with the deadly deadlines
Thank you for revealing my talent in literature, so I can write like I am doing now

Thank you for patiently teaching Bahasa Indonesia,
although I was always ended up with Uno cards or fall asleep
Thank you for not letting me forget the importance of my native language, so i can teach Bahasa to my foreigner friends.

I thank you for keeping me busy with all the presentation projects,
and stuffing my memory with mitochondria, fungi , DNA/RNA, etc
Thank you for letting me to get used with presentation and public speaking.

I thank you for explaining the algebra, probability, and limit over and over again,
and for being such a father in school although I was so stubborn back then.
Thank you for sharing your advice about lifebites and lovehurts (and guys also).

I thank you for forcing me to memorize the chemistry periodic table,
and proving that chemistry isn’t horrible (tho it’s still horrible with engineering combined in it)
Thank you for ‘trapping’ me to fall in love with Chemistry, so I am now officially a Chemical Engineer

I thank you for shedding my tears when I failed my comprehensive exam,
and insisted me to get up once again
Thank you for always telling me that I am a strong girl and I can never give up.

I thank you for every wise advice beyond your funny jokes,
and for being such a great mentor during the transition of my unstable teenager phase.
Thank you for always remind me, the 3B inside of me — Brain, Beauty, Behavior .

After all…
I thank you all, teachers,
for the patience, caring, support
Your encouragement and sharing.
I found Guidance, Friendship, Discipline and Love
in you, teachers.

Thank you for being teachers, so I can be who I am now

All the gratitude goes to you, my dearest teachers. Happy teacher’s day!

p.s :
This post is dedicated to Ms.Chendra, Mr. Heri, Mr. Parlin, Mr. Alex, Mr. Darto, Mr. Matulessy, Mr. Jack, Mr. Gromer, Mrs. Ima, Mr. Widodo.

Cheers,

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

Tags: Inspiration, Journey, Life, School

One knows self, knows all.

“Are we where we want to be, doing what we want to do?” – Aleph

As I’ve been wondering the answer to that question for a couple of weeks, some friends of mine discussed their career path with me. Honestly, I can’t really give a practical solution or hand over some tips to them, since I am also a newbie in this career game.

“I know that this is wrong and it draw me away from my passion, but my boss said that a fresh graduate wouldn’t know about passion and such. It keeps bugging me because each passing day, I become less passionate with my job”

Well, it can be true about fresh graduates mostly haven’t found their passion and goals yet. I am so confused with people who generalized every human phase symptoms. The word MOSTLY doesn’t mean an absolute number of 100%. Now, does the quarter-life crisis only happen when you’re 25? No, hell it doesn’t. A lot of variables in life need to be counted to a human phase. Just stop stereotype-ing people. So, if you are in doubt because of a statement that happened to be found empirically, again, please find yourself again and now do mind your own opinion about yourself. If there is a gatekeeper to where you are headed, it should be your heart and no one else because only then can you open the passage way to true happiness (dodinsky).

“I decided to resign and my boss keeps telling me that I’m good in this field. What am I supposed to tell my boss??”

Seriously, as much as I love writing, arranging an argument for other person’s personal matter is waaaayyyy too complicated. Instead of setting up the charismatic paragraph, let me just told you what did I tell my ex-boss and the boss of my ex-boss and the big boss of the boss of my ex-boss. Just simply said that it’s a matter of heart (oh well, it really is). For me a career is a part of life, and I don’t want to live a life where my heart involved in every single aspect of it.

I know that many of you will see that I’m such an idealist whereas I’m still fresh and less-experienced. However, it’s not just about career. It’s simply just living a life to the fullest, and I am doing it now, the best I could. I don’t want to regret every morning and go to a place where I feel like a slave digging for penny (though Yes, money matters). But, if your heart is not in what you’re doing now, it’s gonna blow up some day and at that time, it might be too late to save yourself.

Please refer to a quote : Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life

Am I doing the job I love now?
I haven’t doing my dream job… yet. But, I am MUCH happier in my current field and company, and no more tears every morning. And one thing, I am on my way to my dream job

How was it after I decided to leave my old one?
It felt horrible. Insecurities, humiliation, cynical opinions, low self-esteem, anger, disappointment. It’s all there. But, no worries, the sun will shine after the dawn

We all have times when we cry.
When the healing flows from our eyes.
But after the pouring rain,
We know that the sun will shine again.

There’s still some ray of hope.
Cause God is in control.
Hold your head up my friend.
I’m tellin you the sun will shine again.

Cheers,

Ƹ̵Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

Tags: Life, ramblings

Eyes are windows to The Soul

It’s been a while since the last time I posted something up here. Most of the times, I am so exhausted to the max so I can barely ‘type out’ my mind over here. But this time, I can’t fight the urge to type

Like a few days ago, I dropped by at my sister’s facebook pictures. I wasn’t stalking, just pretty much curious with her updates (an older sister’s common alibi ) Okay, I actually saw one of her drawings and gosh, it’s beautiful and then I tagged my artsy best friend to that picture. And we just had a chat earlier that actually ‘touched’ my inner-self. So I thought I’m gonna share it with you all

R : hey your sister really has some talent yah
V : yes hehehe, and she adores u a lot, hahaha
R : are you joking me??????? awwwwwwwwwwww
V : yeah, she’s so curious with all your paintings
R : What is so adorable from me, other than my cute personality and hug-able body? hohohohohoho
V : She saw your old silhouette sketch inside your eat-pray-love novel that you lent me. And and i told her how u always dream to be an artist since we were kids, and u’re finally in an art world now hahaha.
V : and well, she looks at u like a role model u know hahaha
R : oh really? I don’t even remember that sketch I drew.
V : yahh, u know, my sis is one of the type of ‘go get ur dream no what happen’ girl, rin. And she always try to achieve what I have achieved back then.
V : Like she’s ‘active’ at her school. She joins the students’ body association, the school band, the debate club, the school choir, won lots of competition from art to biology. And even now she’s one of the national candidates for student exchange to represent Indonesia, from Bina Antar Budaya. LOL
V : She’s awesome! I’m so proud of her.They chose 200 outta 2000, and then they took 100, then 50, and now, she’s currently in the final step in the national round selection to be sent to the US, Europe and Japan.
R : that’s great!
V : yeah, im glad she has some people to look on to
V : i have no one to look on to when i was her age, haha
R : listening to all of this makes me thinking
R : human will always leave his/her footprints
R : and someone will actually see it with a total different point of view from us
R : hmm, it’s actually an awkward notion for me right now haha
V : hahaha
R : i feel so trashy about myself, but then to hear someone making me her role model
R : awwwwwww
V : ahahahaha
V : then we could use the quote “to someone you may be his/her world” LOL
V : and after all, most of the times we are so blindsided with our negatives and weaknesses, until some people pop out and tell u abt how u inspired them, then we could finally see that brightside inside us
V : hehehe, why do I always end up with pep talk when im talking with u

(and the rest of the conversation were just random jokes between us)

So, the point is, I was actually quite surprised with those two simple statements that I and my best friend said. It was so true.

There will be always times when you look down on yourself, when you see that you are always under the grey clouds and think that you won’t make it out alive. But really, you just haven’t seen how awesome you are from others’ point of views… not yet. No matter how trashy you feel that you are, you are going to leave your footprints. So, make it authentic and unforgettable!

Here is my sister’s drawing :

Cheers,

Ness

p.s to my lil sis: I do always proud of u sis!
p.s to my bestfriend : we will always be the autism mates

Bimbang

Pertama kali aku tergugah
Dalam setiap kata yang kau ucap
Bila malam tlah datang
Terkadang ingin ku tulis semua perasaan

Kata orang rindu itu indah
Namun bagiku ini menyiksa
Sejenak ku fikirkan untuk ku benci saja dirimu
Namun sulit ku membenci

Pejamkan mata bila kuingin bernafas lega
Dalam anganku aku berada disatu persimpangan jalan yang sulit kupilih

Ku peluk semua indah hidupku
Hikmah yang ku rasa sangat tulus
Ada dan tiada cinta bagiku tak mengapa namun ada yang hilang separuh diriku

This old song suddenly resound in my head over and over again. Bimbang-hesitate, in english. I don’t know why do I feel this way.

Irritated. Upset. Disappointed. Sad.
It just feels miserable.

It’s hurt to know (or finally find out) that someone doesn’t think/love/give/care as much as you do. A little part of you would feel okay with that, but the other part of you, somehow still wish that you’re treated more than that.

There’s a saying :
” all expectations lead to heartaches.”
I couldn’t less agree.

Right now, I’m wondering, can’t someone feel less loved by the other one who is in love with that person, in a loving relationship?
Is it possible?
Or is it just my crazy thinking?

……..

Idle.

Alrighty tears, time to sleep, could you please stop running out of my eyes?

‘Are you okay?’

No, I’m not.

Oh wait, that’s me asking myself.
(“¬.¬)

Sweet.
Goodnight, me!
I love me!

Vness